2 Weeks Down

2 weeks down and I haven't counted how many to go until the end of the school year, but the very fact that I'm thinking about it and it's only mid-January is not promising. The funny thing is (but perhaps funny isn't the right word) that I'm still enjoying teaching. It's a nice change from being at home all day, and middle schoolers are some of the funniest people I know. I can't wait to know Riley as a middle schooler (well, yes I can, but you understand).

So it's not that I'm not having a good time teaching, and it's not that I mind being away from Riley for several hours every morning (because I don't, most of the time). It's just that the human mind is only meant to juggle so many things and I think I'm pretty close to my limit. Over, on some days. I would like to be able to juggle being a great teacher to struggling readers so that they have a better shot at life, coming home to play with my baby girl and teach her how to grow up in this crazy world, planning and preparing nutritious & yummy meals for my family, exercising so that I feel healthier physically and just generally better about myself, keeping on plugging away at the children's writing program I'm in the middle of, finding time to read for pleasure, calling my siblings and close friends who live out of town to catch up more often ... my mind whirs just writing the list.

Since becoming a mom, I've realized, in a practical way that I hadn't before, that choosing to do something means choosing to not do something else. I honestly don't know what I did with all my free time before I was a mom, but I remember feeling that I had enough time to do the things I really wanted to do. I could do the have-tos and the want-tos. And now I can't. Now I have to choose to cook and choose not to read, and this one isn't actually so bad because I like cooking. What I don't like is choosing to prep for school and not to relax when Riley goes to bed, choosing to clean the bathroom and vacuum and not to write during her afternoon nap time, choosing to prep food for the week (I like cooking, not prepping) and not to go for an evening walk.

I know this is the same struggle most people in the world face. And I know I'm lucky to have the opportunity to make even some choices that feed my independence and creativity throughout the week. I have an amazing life, but the transitions are hard. Transitioning to parenting was hard, and now transitioning to being a working mom is hard too. But I think that avoiding that transition would have been just as hard. I'm giving up something either way, so I guess I've just got to figure out what I'm most willing to give up ... maybe that's a glass-is-half-empty way to look at it. Transitions force re-prioritizations. That to come.